Thursday, August 15, 2013

that (weed) garden

Remember all that hope and promise in spring and early summer with the seeds planted and the garden plot we took over at a community nursery? Yeah. Well, about that garden...

(Look, can't you see our bounty of tomatoes? Yeah, me neither.)

(Doug tries to be enthusiastic about the weed patch.)

Ya see, the plot is rather far from the marina. And we have been traveling. And it's been a really rainy summer so every time it rains, I just shrug and say, "Oh good, now I don't have to drive out there to water the garden!" And I have a toddler whose naps are all over the place when they happen at all (heaven help me she is starting to outgrow napping!) And.. and... and... Ok! Fine! I am the world's worst gardener and that's probably why living on a boat suits me so well. I have that fantasy of neatly planted rows of green nutrition to fill baskets hand woven by organic women's co-ops in Central America. I walk through the rows with my children skipping and singing behind me I wear shabby looking $180 garden shoes and a swishy skirt and plan the vegetarian dishes that my children who eat anything will gratefully gobble up after setting a beautiful table and saying a meal blessing.

Ha!

Here's how it goes down. We drive to the weed patch, I mean garden plot and 37 seconds after exiting the air conditioned car Zach starts to get paranoid about ticks. Legitimate concern as we end up with a tick every single time we go there and we are one of the worst spots in the USA for Lyme disease (sadly many of his friends have it.) He gets over it and runs to the plot to see what's growing, full of verbal enthusiasm, remarking how fabulous it will be to eat (insert whatever managed to grow here) and how excited he is that something he planted actually grew. Yes! That's the spirit! I tell him to pick said thing and let's bring it home.



Then he goes to inspect closer and sees a flaw. It has mud or mush or marks of some kind on it and game over. "I can't eat this, it's rotten!" No honey, it's fine. We grew it, we know it's fine. We just cut that part away.  During this negotiation I realize I haven't heard any sounds from Naia. I look around and find her squatting down in the tall, tick infested grass. "Whatcha doing over there?"  She smiles. "I go potty!" Ok, it's all fertilizer right? Zach is about to freak out over her communing with nature, but thankfully a toad hops by and he's off. I try to get them excited about pulling weeds. Naia of course can't tell a weed from an edible thing and starts ripping up the carrots and kale and strawberries that never had fruit.

Then Zach brings me a praying mantis in one hand and a toad in the other and excitedly tells me there is a HUGE snake right over there.

"Ok kids, let's get in the car, I think we are finished with gardening for this month."

We take our tortured carrots and handful of tomatoes and basil and hit the road. Back at home I bathe the kids in Deet to ward off the deer ticks and we wash off our harvest.
 (Love those knuckle dimples!)

 (Looks halfway decent!)

 (RUN for your lives!)

At dinner Naia pokes at her carrots. "I don't like these?"
"Honey these are your carrots that YOU planted."
"They look stretchy. I want shiny ones."
"No sweety, you need to eat these. This is what we're having with our dinner."
"No, they're scary. I am going to throw them in the dirty water."  (this is her new thing. anything that is not to her liking gets metaphorically and sometimes literally thrown into the "dirty water")

Ah, yes. From farm to table. That's us. So, who wants to go fishing?

Comments (21)

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Susanna Joy's avatar

Susanna Joy · 604 weeks ago

Just glad were not the only ones... :) though, our Michigan summer has been kind to our community garden patch. Still... Lots of weeds, not a whole lot of want to.
1 reply · active 604 weeks ago
Next year... just a pot of basil and I will be happy.
This post is awesome! I love the description of your fantasy gardening experience... I very much share your fantasy, but our reality looks much more like what you've described here than any fantasy garden (and we don't even have to go anywhere for our garden). I read this post then hopped over to Soulmama's blog and was greatly amused to read her long post today about all the incredible food she's harvesting from her garden this week, and all the wonderful things she's going to make with said food, that her children apparently love! On a side note, we have managed to grow a whole lot of cucumbers this year and I was thinking about making pickles with some of them. Then I went into the storage closet (where I store the things that I've canned) and discovered 4 of the 5 jars of pickles that I made last year. Apparently, they weren't very popular and the kids prefer the brand we usually buy. So there you go... no pickle-making this year and lots of (slowly rotting) cucumbers in our fridge! Kudos to you for trying a garden that you have to drive to...
3 replies · active 604 weeks ago
Ha! Yes! I immediately thought of Soulemama after reading this post! And then hopped over there, and while I enjoy it very much, harvesting garlic in an Ace & Jig dress???? Come ON!
I hope it didn't sound like I was slamming Amanda specifically. I think there is always a slice of Bloglandia that we each read and can't wrap our heads around. For me it's the pretty gardens. Others may find living on a boat with kids impossible. It's all relative. Oh and I had to look up Ace & Jig to get your reference and WOW! That sure is purty!
Cucumbers are the one thing my kids would devour! There were a few in the weed patch, but they were a horrid pale urine color and we all backed away slowly and left them for the deer.
Maybe I need to just sneak up to Maine and raid Amanda's garden next summer? I didn't mean this to poke fun at her at all. There are loads of dream garden blog posts all over Bloglandia this time of year. And next year I am just going to garden raid all of them.
We are gardening soul sisters, I think. Some years I actually plant a garden (in my front yard - I have no excuse here) and we might manage to harvest a week or two worth of lettuce and greens for sandwiches. And then it gets hot and the bird-sized mosquitoes come out. And we don't own a hose. Our garden doesn't even grow weeds, let alone remarkable produce.
1 reply · active 604 weeks ago
Bird sized mosquitoes sounds like a good reason to stay inside to me! My local hippie friends keep telling me to eat the weeds ;)
Happiness is's avatar

Happiness is · 604 weeks ago

While attempting to veggie garden for our third season, I have to say that I'm grateful for farm stands and CSA and of course Whole Check. Your story gave me a good belly laugh. Ok, next year.

Nice pumpkin Z!
1 reply · active 604 weeks ago
Hooray for Whole Check. Need to find a good CSA next year too, let's get on that this winter.
Ha, at least you grew something! I on the other hand ... http://www.prettylittlenest.com/2013/06/how-does-...
1 reply · active 604 weeks ago
Oh dear, I can identify with that http://zachaboard.blogspot.com/2010/06/growing.ht...
Zach and I were talking about it, and the only year we grew a good batch of tomatoes was when the duck nested in our tomato box. So... we need to attract more ducks perhaps? They fertilize and eat pests!
Susan Marks's avatar

Susan Marks · 604 weeks ago

Not to worry, I live 30 FEET from my garden, and we pretty much have the same experience. While the allure of growing our own veggies is strong every spring, somehow life takes over. But I think the idea still gets across; the process of growing food, and the amount of work it takes to do it well. I've been trying this with my young children for 30 years now (we're in the second generation at this point) and we still keep on doing it!
1 reply · active 604 weeks ago
I always say, if plants cried when they needed care it would be a little easier.
hmmmm wine...... Think how much wine I could have consumed for all the time I spent weeding, harvesting, pickling, dehydrating, canning. Hmmm.... let's say it together.....Wiiiiiine.
I like your blog so
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