5 Years, 1 Week

I think I may have been the only one counting. If you're lucky enough to be able to nurse your babies, you know what a special, intense relationship it is. I certainly didn't intend to nurse for 5 years that first time he latched on in the hospital. I had a c-section for a transverse breech and still googly eyed from a bad reaction to the spinal, it was my Super Doula who held him the first time he nursed, knowing how critical it was to get him latched on even if I was not all there. Honestly, our nursing relationship was pretty much as easy as they come after that.

It was my connection to this new tiny being in my world. It was my secret weapon for calming an active toddler. It was my peace from a child who NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. It was my peace of mind during cold and flu season. It was a way to force ME to lay down and relax and do nothing. It was a quick snack when the unorganized mama didn't bring one. It was sustenace for the boy who wouldn't even taste food until he was 13 months old. It was I'm Sorry, It'll Be Ok, Don't Be Afraid, I Love You.

I never set any deadlines, never cut him off, and truly never resented or regretted a minute of it. It didn't make sense to put an artificial stop to something so natural. I told him that when he stopped was his choice. And he said "When I am 5 I will stop." And about a week after he turned 5 this summer he unceremoniously stopped asking. And then recently he finally said, "So can I have a weaning party now?" He was ready, I was ready, the boobs were ready. It happened so naturally and so peacefully it's almost surreal.

Not that much has changed in our relationship. We still have a family bed. He still wants to be close to me and snuggle. It's just that now my shirt is down. Now it's ALL about the closeness and not the milk. Now it's about checking in not checking out. Now it's about sharing our words and feelings more than me sharing my body. And more than anything, it's about that bond we'll always have.

I know breastfeeding isn't possible or comfortable for everyone, but if you are able to, do it. And be present. And think of what your baby is getting and not about what you're "giving up". And if you need support or help or a sanity check, find you local LLL group. Go on mothering.com and seek other mamas. Support breastfeeding mamas you know, support the ones you don't know, support them all.


And here's a lovely little book we were honored to be a part of called Near Mama's Heart by Colleen Newman. It's the only one I know of that meant for kids that shows real photos of real mothers nursing. This photo for the book was taken by my dear friend Diane when Zach was 15 months old.
It's just a mama feeding and nurturing her baby the best way she knows how.